You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm having to shit out rocks
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
