I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
