He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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