Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
