Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
