We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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