Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
