He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
