Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
