Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
