the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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