Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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