If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
