just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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