she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
