i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
