im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
