What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
