OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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