I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize