At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
