Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
