I want to stick my p in your. b.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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