A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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