his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize