im having a threesome with these popsicles
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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