We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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