I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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