remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
