I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize