Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
