i would punch a child for taco bell
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
