i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize