i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
