One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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