exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
