Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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