i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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