RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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