gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize