one word: firstdatebathroomanal
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
