y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
