You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
