ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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