covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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