my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
