Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
