Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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