I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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