She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
