we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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