I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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