Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
