On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Someone shit on the floor
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
