I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Operation Purity has been aborted
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize