I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
