I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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