Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
