her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
