omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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