Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
