My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
