Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Randomize
