wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
