I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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