I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
being pregnant is like rehab
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
