She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
