life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
