it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
