my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
