wakey wakey hands off snakey
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
