1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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