Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
