Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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