after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
