I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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