Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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