i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize