Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
