Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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