the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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