I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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