i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
