i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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