So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
