69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
