yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
