4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
how can u be prego again
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
